Not that there’s ever a truly convenient time for intimacy when you share a home with your children, but you definitely do have to get a little more creative about things as your kids get older. Jessica Simpson, who has three children, knows this all too well—and after one of her children walked in on her getting busy with her husband, Eric Johnson, she’s going to have to really come up with some, uh, safer ideas.
Simspon and Johnson have been married for almost 10 years, and have been a couple even longer. They’re both parents to Birdie Mae, 4, Ace Knute, 10, and Maxwell Drew, 11. She recently told Access Hollywood that the fire is still blazing even after three kids and a decade of marriage.
“It’s good to keep the romance there, even with three kids on top of our head. It’s hard, but he’ll leave me little notes, because he’ll wake up earlier than me. He’ll leave me little letters,” she shared. “There’s a lot of things that make me like, ‘I can’t wait to get my hands on him later.’ I think you have to have those little things as a couple that are just between you two.”
“And now it’s like our kids are so old. It’s like, wow, they’re gonna walk in on hanky panky time. So like, what do we do, how do we do this? Where do we go?” she joked.
Remember all those years you’d have to worry about getting “caught” by parents, siblings, roommates, etc.? Now we have to worry about getting caught by our own children and then giving them the ultimate story for their therapist someday.
While I personally haven’t been caught, I distinctly (much to my chagrin, my brain hasn’t erased this particular trauma from my hippocampus) recall accidentally walking in on my own parents in second grade. I’m 38 years old now, they’re divorced, and I’m still resentful they didn’t fully close—and LOCK—the door.
Simpson says she and her husband are “in denial” that they were caught, “as is the child, so it’s not really been something that we’ve talked about.”
LOL. Yep, that sounds about right.
“I did just have to fill my middle child in on certain things, but luckily he didn’t walk in. I think he would stand there and be like, ‘What are you doing?’ He would literally talk to us,” she says, explaining how she discussed the birds and the bees with her son recently.
The canon life experience of walking in on your parents and/or being interrupted by your children during sex is a common one. And even if it makes everyone involved cringe in discomfort, it’s not going to actually traumatize anyone.
Melissa Pintor Carnagey, founder and lead educator at Sex Positive Families, tells Yahoo Life that contrary to how much we sensationalize the experience, our kids walking in on us doesn’t scar them for life.
“What has scarred adults who experienced this in their childhood is most often how the parents handled the situation,” she says. “Some remember parents punishing them, avoiding the topic or lying. These reactions can leave the child feeling confused, gaslit, ashamed or even afraid. If we want to do better for our kids, we have to take a different approach.”
Remember, there are many different ways to demonstrate a healthy, loving adult relationship for your children. And while maybe no one would actively choose to use “accidentally interrupt us during sex” as a lesson in love, it still shows your kids that their parents love each other.
“Try not to react negatively, and most importantly, don’t lie. Sex is natural and not shameful, so we want to ensure they don’t internalize mixed messages,” Carnagey says. “Let them know that if they have any questions, you’re available to talk further with them. It’s also a good time to remind them of privacy and any expectations you’ve established in the home for respecting private spaces.”
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