Sara Evans and Jay Barker have reconciled, two years after a domestic incident that revealed problems in their relationship and resulted in his arrest in Nashville. The couple plans to give their marriage another chance after extensive therapy sessions that are ongoing, the country star announced on her new podcast “Diving in Deep with Sara Evans.”
In August 2021, Evans filed for divorce from the former Alabama football quarterback. In January 2022, Barker was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after reportedly trying to hit Evans with a vehicle. Barker was released from the Davidson County Jail after posting a $10,000 bond.
AL.com reported Barker had to be held for 12 hours because the charge was domestic in nature and domestic charges require at least a 12-hour “cooling off” period. In June 2022, Barker entered a “best interest” plea to a misdemeanor charge of reckless endangerment after the January arrest on a felony domestic violence charge, according to The Associated Press.
The plea meant he did not admit guilt but agreed that the state had enough evidence to prove its case, according to a spokesman for the Nashville District Attorney General’s office. Barker reportedly was sentenced to one year of probation. Meantime, the divorce proceedings continued.
According to court records, Evans on Aug. 23, 2021, filed for a divorce from Barker. The filing stated Barker at the time had been living in Homewood, Alabama, for the past three months. The filing stated Evans was seeking the divorce due to irreconcilable differences and “inappropriate marital conduct.”
The couple was married in 2008 and had a blended family, with three children from Evans’ first marriage to Craig Schelske, and four children from Barker’s first marriage to Amy DiGiovanna. During most of their marriage, Evans and Barker lived in Birmingham, but as she reveals in her podcast, they separated after a “bad fight” in July 2020. Evans moved back to Nashville, where she lives now.
At the time of the divorce, they reached an agreement stating “the actual reasons for divorce shall be kept private to the extent possible” and “neither party will discuss or reveal the terms of the agreement, and the terms and conditions shall remain confidential,” Scoop Nashville reported.
The first episode of Evans’ podcast, released on Thursday, details the couple’s marital woes from Evans’ perspective, and talks about her road to reconciliation with Barker.
Sara Evans, left, and Jay Barker arrive at the 53rd annual CMA Awards at Bridgestone Arena on Wednesday, Nov. 13, 2019, in Nashville, Tenn. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)Evan Agostini
“Our commitment to partake in intensive, lifelong therapy has allowed us to get back to a place that statistics show is extremely unlikely,” Evans says. She describes herself as “happily married” at the start of the podcast, but explains that the theme of the episode is “abuse in relationships.” Later, she discusses the ways in which Barker was the abuser, and the positive changes he’s made via therapy.
“I’m calling this ‘Marriage 2.0,’” Evans said in an interview with Billboard, published Thursday in tandem with her podcast. “And if I do see something that comes up that’s ‘first marriage,’ I’ll confront him and say, ‘I can see that you’re tempted to get angry right now,’ and he’s not defensive at all. We have skills and things we have learned, so that nothing ever goes beyond a responsible conversation. ... More than anything, I’m grateful when I look at him and see the man I’ve always loved, and he’s happy and whole.”
This is the first time Evans has made a public statement about the problems in their relationship, or talked about the January 2022 incident. According to Evans, Barker operated as the dominant partner in the marriage and she approached their union in an old-fashioned way, viewing herself as a submissive wife.
“When we settled into our marriage and he saw that I was like that, very submissive and I wasn’t going to nag him, and I wasn’t going to bitch at him and boss him around and tell him what to do, I think he was like, ‘Oh, I love this, Like, I love this,’” Evans says in her podcast. “And a few years into our marriage, I think he began to sort of take that for granted, and take advantage of it. And again, we probably, looking back on it now, we probably should have gotten into marriage counseling from Day One.”
Evans also points to Barker’s background in football — as a quarterback for the University of Alabama and then in the NFL — as one reason for the way he approached their marriage.
“I think that any quarterback and any football player, especially if you played NFL, which he did for seven years, will tell you that there’s a little bit of a warlike, PTSD that comes with it, because it’s very violent,” Evans says in the podcast. “Because of the way I was raised, so old-fashioned and the man was the head of the home, I think I brought out in him a lot of feelings and emotions and I’ve never loved anybody the way that I love him. I’ve also never been driven crazy ... the way that he drives me crazy.”
Evans also says Barker became angry when he was drinking, which made the situation worse.
“We had a problem with his anger, especially when he would drink,” Evans told Billboard. “Nothing ever happened in front of the kids or in front of people. He never drank until his mid-30s — but what he did drink made him extremely agitated.”
Barker and Evans have both stopped drinking, she said, and that’s been instrumental to their healing.
“We all have to repair from what happened,” Evans told Billboard. “But the thing that is helping us repair the most is that Jay is taking responsibility for it. He will tell anybody and everybody that.”
Evans emphasizes in her podcast that the two found their way back to each other slowly and carefully, and she’s glad they did.
“I just did not want to divorce again and start over,” Evans says in the podcast. “I just pictured myself being alone and missing him and thinking, ‘We could’ve tried harder.’ But it took me filing for divorce, I think, for him to realize, ‘Oh shit, she’s serious. This is it.’ ... Some people have marriage problems that are like, they fight all the time. We didn’t fight all the time. He fought me. When he was in his low spots, he fought against me, he pushed me away, he pushed my love away. So every situation is different. I would never encourage anybody to stay in a dangerous situation.”
Evans says she was devastated by the idea of being divorced from Barker, even at her lowest moments, and sings his praises in the podcast.
“To me, he’s just gorgeous, he’s funny, we have so much in common,” she says in the podcast. “We feel the same about everything, raising kids, family structures, politics, religion, everything. ... We just love each other. We’re best friends.”
The news of their reconciliation on Thursday coincides with the announcement of Evans’ new album “Unbroke,” set to drop June 7. It’s her first record in four years, following 2020′s “Copy That.” “Unbroke” includes the single “Pride,” released on Thursday. In the song’s lyrics, Evans points to verbal and physical abuse from Barker during the darkest days of their marriage.
“You left a mark on my face and brought a dozen red flags in a vase,” the song begins. “You thought everything would be OK, but it’s not OK. Nobody saw the other side, you’d turn into Jekyll and I’d run and hide. And I’d come back, I don’t know why.”
Along with “Pride,” other songs on “Unbroke” — such as “Better Than This,” “Mask,” “Closet” and “Sorry Now” — explore Evans’ rocky relationship with Barker, according to reports by Billboard and People. “I’m forcing myself to do something scary in talking about this,” Evans told Billboard.
In a 2020 memoir, “Born to Fly,” Evans traced her life story and discussed her ideas about marriage — including her relationship with Barker — but never revealed the serious struggles they were having.
“Blending a family is not for the faint of heart, and it’s not for the unkind heart,” Evans wrote in her book. “Incredible challenges lie ahead when you decide to marry someone with kids. Our Barker blended family isn’t perfect, but like everything else in my life, I try to make it as perfect as an imperfect situation can be.”
READ: Sara Evans: ‘If you think my life has been easy for one second, think again’
Evans, 53, has forged a high-profile career as a country artist, with radio hits such as “Born to Fly,” “No Place That Far,” “Suds in the Bucket,” “I Could Not Ask For More,” “A Little Bit Stronger” and “A Real Fine Place to Start.” She has 10 studio albums to her credit and awards from the Academy of Country Music, Billboard and the Country Music Association.
In 2023, Evans was inducted into the Grand Ole Opry. She also performed on the popular FOX show “The Masked Singer” earlier that year, singing Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again.”
Barker was the starting quarterback for Alabama’s 1992 national title team. He finished fifth in the Heisman voting in 1994. He was drafted in the fifth round of the NFL draft in 1995, and played in the Canadian Football League. Barker would finish his career with the Birmingham Thunderbolts of the original XFL.
Barker later transitioned to broadcasting, co-hosting “The Opening Drive” with Al Del Greco and Tony Kurre until February 2018. He later hosted “The Jay Barker Show” with Tide 100.9-FM, which also featured writer Lars Anderson and former Alabama teammate Antonio Langham.
Carol Robinson and Jeremy Gray contributed to this report.
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