Jennifer Lopez is a queen on Instagram. But Ben Affleck stays away, almost completely. J.Lo talks and talks about her personal life all the time. But the last time Affleck opened up, his words were “mischaracterized.” It’s a stark difference between the royal Hollywood couple, who got married last year, but in a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter Thursday, Affleck shared how his wife is helping him be more open and less guarded.
In the interview, Affleck spokr about a pep talk he got from Lopez about being himself, the “painful” tabloid headlines that made it seem like he was blaming his ex-wife Jennifer Garner for his addiction, and he also addressed the “Affleck doesn’t want to be at the Grammys” memes.
“I don’t know if there’s anybody who understands Instagram better than her,” said Affleck, calling Lopez a “genius” on the app. “In fact, she gave me a talk this morning before this interview. She thinks that because of experiences that I’ve had, I’ve become very guarded. And she’s right.”
“I view these things as land mines, where if you say one wrong thing, your career might be over,” he added. “I had a really painful experience where I did an interview where I was really vulnerable, and the entire pickup was something that was not only not right, it was actually the opposite of what I meant.”
Affleck referred to an interview with Howard Stern several months ago, where he opened up about his alcoholism toward the end of his marriage to Jennifer Garner. The interview got picked up and misinterpreted, making it seem like he was blaming his addiction on Garner. That wasn’t the case, he explained.
“To be clear, my behavior is my responsibility entirely. The point that I was trying to make was a sad one. Anyone who’s been through divorce makes that calculus of, How much do we try? We loved each other. We care about each other. We have respect for each other,” Affleck said. “I was trying to say, ‘Hey, look, I was drinking too much, and the less happy you become, whether it’s your job, your marriage, it’s just that as your life becomes more difficult, if you’re doing things to fill a hole that aren’t healthy, you’re going to start doing more of those things.'”
“I think I was pretty articulate about that. It was the New York Post who deliberately mischaracterized it in order to make it clickbait,” he explained. “And everyone else then picked it up, and it didn’t matter how many times I said, ‘I do not feel this way. I’m telling you, I don’t blame my ex-wife for my alcoholism.’ So, yeah. It’s hard.”
Affleck explained that his wife has been encouraging him to just be himself, including in the THR interview, even if the “pickup” isn’t always what he intends for it to be. (With this particular interview, don’t be surprised if his golf-to-meth comparison makes headlines: “I look at golf like meth. They have better teeth, but it doesn’t seem like people ever come out of that,” he said. “Once they start golfing, you just don’t ever see them again.”)
But back to hype-woman J.Lo, who’s been encouraging Affleck just not to be so serious. “So [Jennifer Lopez] tells me today, ‘Relax, be yourself. Have fun. You’re actually a fun guy who is real and genuine and you just seem so serious,’ Do I seem serious?” he joked. “But as in many things, she’s really right. And she loves me. She’s looking out for me. She’s trying to help me. So it’s like, maybe I ought to fucking listen to her.”
There was another Affleck “mischaracterization” moment recently too. At the Grammys this year, fans meme’d the hell out of him. Many joked that he was not enjoying his time there or was unaware of what was going on, while others used images of his frowning face to claim he was drinking again. To THR, he insisted he “had a good time” and explained what really happened.
“I saw [Grammy host Trevor Noah approach], and I was like, ‘Oh, God.’ They were framing us in this shot, but I didn’t know they were rolling,” he said. “I leaned into [Lopez], and I was like, ‘As soon they start rolling, I’m going to slide away from you and leave you sitting next to Trevor.’ She goes, ‘You better fucking not leave.’ That’s a husband-and-wife thing.”
Affleck was honest, though: He wasn’t necessarily sure who some of the Grammys performers were — “Like, I don’t keep up,” he said — and he was mostly there to support his wife at her “work event.” But still, Affleck was discouraged by some assumptions he saw online about him that night.
“I’ve gone to events and been pissed off. I’ve gone and been bored. I’ve gone to award shows and been drunk, a bunch. Nobody ever once said I’m drunk,” he said. “[But at the Grammys] they were like, ‘He’s drunk.’ And I thought, that’s interesting. That raises a whole other thing about whether or not it’s wise to acknowledge addiction because there’s a lot of compassion, but there is still a tremendous stigma, which is often quite inhibiting.”
He added, “I do think it disincentivizes people from making their lives better.” (He has a point.)
About being meme’d all the time, though: “At a certain point,” said Affleck, “I am who I am.”
The THR interview was pinned to the creation of his production company Artists Equity, which focuses on profit-sharing for all those involved — crewmembers, cinematographers, producers, etc. — in making films. He talked about his less-than-stellar Justice League experience, his new film Air, and a “red velvet rope celebrity” group chat with other actors like Jason Bateman, Bradley Cooper, and Matt Damon, with whom he plays Wordle-like games.
“Let’s face it, going up against actors, it’s not a high bar. I expected to do fairly well, so I was seriously humbled,” he said. ” It’s fiercely competitive, and there’s a lot of mockery and derision. So I’m in training.”
His new movie Air is about how Nike changed the sneaker game by working with Michael Jordan. Lopez helped him understand the shoes’ impact too.
“Oh my God, she’s brilliant. She is incredibly knowledgeable about the way fashion evolves through the culture as a confluence of music, sports, entertainment and dance,” he said. “She helped me in talking about the way in which a part of the reason why Jordans [the shoes] were so meaningful is because culture and style in America is 90% driven by Black culture. Black culture has historically pioneered music, dance, fashion, and it’s then been stolen, appropriated, remarketed as Elvis or whatever. And in this case, [Nike], a white-run corporate entity, was starting to do business with African American athletes in an identity affiliation sales thing.”
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